Preparing Your Children (and Yourself) for Their Aliyah

My seven year old was thrilled when we told him we were making Aliyah- the date of our move couldn’t come soon enough. He said goodbye to friends and family without a hitch, he kept telling them we were the lucky ones. Now that we’re here, it’s like a nightmare. He cries every morning, refuses to go to school and tells us he hates us for making him come here. Help! I want my son go back. What is going on here?

Think about the process you went through before choosing to make Aliyah- the research, the weighing of options, the hard decisions. All these steps were predicated on something that by definition your children don’t have when it comes to making Aliyah- Choice. As adults we choose to make Aliyah freely, our children are pretty much locked into following whatever decisions we make for them. Understanding this basic reality can go a long way towards assisting our children.

Honey, I Traumatized the Kids How do you let the kids know you're about to change their life forever? Clinical psychologist, Dr. Dodi Tobin PhD., walks you through the process and strategies for preparing your children for the big move. On Radio NBN

What does this mean practically?

Pre-Aliyah

• Although the ultimate decision is yours, involve your children as much as possible in the decision making process. Talk about Israel, talk about why you feel it’s the best possible option for your family, do a family research project about the communities you are looking into.
• Invite your children to discuss their feelings about Aliyah- including negative ones. Share with them how hard it will be for you to leave family and friends. Ask them if they share the same feelings- and then listen without judgment when they tell you how they feel.
• Involve your children in the actual physical process of making Aliyah- things like packing and purchasing. Recognizing the space limitations of your new Israeli home, allow them to choose what to bring with them and what to leave behind.

Post-Aliyah

• Be prepared for anything. They may be thrilled and speaking fluent Hebrew in a month. They may be sullen. They may be very verbal with their anger and hostility. Whatever their reaction, grit your teeth and tell yourself this is normal for a child who was just relocated halfway across the world. Try to empathize with what your child is going through.
• Be flexible. It’s more critical initially that your child feel you are on their side than that you are worrying about things like homework. In general, the focus the first year should be on social integration not academic achievement. Conveying this to your child will go a long way towards helping them feel that you understand what you are going through.
• Enjoy Israel as a family. Take a mental health day off from school and go visit the Kotel and the Old City. Just because you’re no longer tourists doesn’t mean that there aren’t myriad things to enjoy together.
• Be patient. Aliyah is a major transition- give your child time to adjust. It may take a while, but they will get there.